Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
A life sentence
Already feeling pretty under the weather following a Moment of Madness which saw me gobbling down a Chicken Fillet Burger from my local Kensy Lick’n Chick’n, my mood has been significantly worsened by the sight of that tedious expondent of the “life’s like that” school of quirkiness known as Zoe Williams.
This writer, whose role on the Guardian is to bore people senseless with the inanities of her “sideways look at life” when they’ve got some column inches to fill on a quiet news day has only somehow got pregnant. Which means that for the next 18 fucking years we’re going to be exposed to her banal observations on pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood.
Been thinking about it for a while, but this depressing development suggests that it's time to leave this country for good.
This writer, whose role on the Guardian is to bore people senseless with the inanities of her “sideways look at life” when they’ve got some column inches to fill on a quiet news day has only somehow got pregnant. Which means that for the next 18 fucking years we’re going to be exposed to her banal observations on pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood.
Been thinking about it for a while, but this depressing development suggests that it's time to leave this country for good.
Monday, May 21, 2007
T9 bizarro world
Bizarro World is the alternative parallel universe referred to in Seinfeld where a set spookily similar but not quite counterparts to George, Kramer and Jerry briefly tempt Elaine to the bizarro world.
Anyway, it occured to me that the Nokia T9 English dictionary has similar bizarro properties, especially when you decide to leave the predictive dictionary's first guess as it is despite your original intentions. It's already spawned, according to Stephen Fry on Radio 4, a "yoot" slang for cool - book. I've yet to hear it on the upper decks of my bus commute to date.
Got my best T9 bizarro to date this morning as I mass texted all my closest 100 acolytes to canvass support for my campaign to mark the tragic destruction of the Cutty Sark with a 9 minute silence this Friday only to get "Butty Park" instead. I was so struck by the seemingly rude sexchat slang that I'd inadvertently stumbled upon that I abandoned my campaign and instead rushed to register the key domain name registrations for Butty Park before someone else beat me to it.
Anyway, it occured to me that the Nokia T9 English dictionary has similar bizarro properties, especially when you decide to leave the predictive dictionary's first guess as it is despite your original intentions. It's already spawned, according to Stephen Fry on Radio 4, a "yoot" slang for cool - book. I've yet to hear it on the upper decks of my bus commute to date.
Got my best T9 bizarro to date this morning as I mass texted all my closest 100 acolytes to canvass support for my campaign to mark the tragic destruction of the Cutty Sark with a 9 minute silence this Friday only to get "Butty Park" instead. I was so struck by the seemingly rude sexchat slang that I'd inadvertently stumbled upon that I abandoned my campaign and instead rushed to register the key domain name registrations for Butty Park before someone else beat me to it.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Aye, there's the rub...ber band
The act of leaning over to pick up something from the street is a radical act.
The Situationists used to employ fancy dress and performance to juggle the social order. The Medieval traditions of carnival and misrule threw the governing order into momentary disorder (to the effect of their final strengthening, the Marxists would say).
The person stooping to pick up a discarded rubber band mimics the action of the chaotic living outsider. It can be a disturbing action to perform, gleaning bands while the straight citizen looks on.
In taking these bands (two today, New North Road, near the Regents Canal) I am both cleaning up litter and touching the untouchables. Both by running my fingers over the materials that the normal members of society consider out of reach (probably pissed on) and by opting to feel the looks of disgust usually given to those people who stoop for other's fag butts.
By refashioning the scattered, discarded rubber bands into single object(s) of interior design desire, I turn an irritation of the streets into a game. The universality of the rubber band as a token of urban experience means that, in constructing the rubber band balls, I communicate with urban Brits who have come to know these bits of rubber as discarded, scattered things. If I am right, and the rubber band ball is a thing of admiration, then it is the most brutally effective of reconfigurations.
My ball is still very bouncy. At this stage is growing very quickly. There may well be an equation to explain at what point its girth will take lots of bands to make even slightly bigger.
The Situationists used to employ fancy dress and performance to juggle the social order. The Medieval traditions of carnival and misrule threw the governing order into momentary disorder (to the effect of their final strengthening, the Marxists would say).
The person stooping to pick up a discarded rubber band mimics the action of the chaotic living outsider. It can be a disturbing action to perform, gleaning bands while the straight citizen looks on.
In taking these bands (two today, New North Road, near the Regents Canal) I am both cleaning up litter and touching the untouchables. Both by running my fingers over the materials that the normal members of society consider out of reach (probably pissed on) and by opting to feel the looks of disgust usually given to those people who stoop for other's fag butts.
By refashioning the scattered, discarded rubber bands into single object(s) of interior design desire, I turn an irritation of the streets into a game. The universality of the rubber band as a token of urban experience means that, in constructing the rubber band balls, I communicate with urban Brits who have come to know these bits of rubber as discarded, scattered things. If I am right, and the rubber band ball is a thing of admiration, then it is the most brutally effective of reconfigurations.
My ball is still very bouncy. At this stage is growing very quickly. There may well be an equation to explain at what point its girth will take lots of bands to make even slightly bigger.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Bandwidth
News reaches Blogmarch from our contacts in the postal service that debate is currently heated in the industry. Not so much about the slow death of the Post Office and next day delivery, but in a much more pressing issue - what to do with those red rubber bands you use to collect letters for the same house together. Several solutions have been put forward by those men and women on the frontline, but by far the most popular is, apparently, DROPPING THE SODDING THINGS OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR.
As longterm readers of Blogmarch will know, we here subscribe to the belief that if God gives you nothing but gators, make some gatorade. Always a fan of the rubber band ball, Blogmarch has decided to construct a ball from nothing but red rubber bands. Most of the bands in the ball above come from the streets of south London, but sitings have also been made in the Lake District, and on the Uffington to Avebury section of the Ridgeway.
The ball is surprisingly bouncy. To this tester, anyway. Who may well be a particular naive tester, given that the ball is made of rubber, and was always going to be quite bouncy.
Check back soon to see the latest red-rubber-band updates.
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