If you were to assemble a full evening meal using nothing but crisps, how would you do it?
For me, the key is to stick as close as possible to the classic menu of crisps. It seems unreasonable to respond to such a challenge with johnny-come-lately gastro-chips. These are, of course, muchly and reasonably derided elsewhere. My satire battery is not full enough to retread this territory. Just imagine Punt and Dennis talking about it with their trademark imaginative and surprising humour.
So. Prawn Cocktail for starters? I think I might opt for the Skips, the maize snack variant. Not just because of a long held fondness for Giant Haystacks (BTW did anyone reading this tell me that they knew the women who used to clean his wrestling costume? And it had more skidmarks than a Croydon carpark? If so, well done.) No, but I think the gentler flavour of the Skip would spark the appetite better than the harsher Walkers PC, say.
When stepping into the main course, and considering options, one notices for the first time what crisps, actually, are. They seem to mimic the bits on the edge of the plate. Salt and vinegar. Cheese and onion. Even tomato sauce. So, for the main dish, the choice comes down to Frazzles/ smoky bacon crisps, or Roast Beef flavour Monster Munch. If you would suggest brown hula hoops here, consider yourself banned from these pages. We don't need your sort.
Now the glory days of the Munch are long gone, of course. But for those not lucky enough to try the roast beef variety, it had the oppressive fleshiness of pedigree chum kept in the toe of a wellington boot. Great days. Perhaps I would get one of my five-a-day with a pickled onion monster munch or to. Or, for those on a budget, a handful of 10p Transformasnacks.
The dessert is a quandry. And an ironic quandry at that. For many packed lunches, it is the crisps that serve as afters. Unless you had a yoghurt. But you will struggle to find a decent sweet crisp. Plantain fritters are about as close as you are going to get, and that isn't close. So, swiftly on to the cheese board. A classic Golden Wonder cheese and onion, Cheesy Wotsits and Quavers. Just about ready for a good cigar. Hey now there's an idea - tobacco flavour crisps...
Technorati tags:
crisps, Monster Munch, Hula Hoops, Giant Haystacks
4 comments:
http://busycooks.about.com/od/dessertrecipe1/r/sweetcrisps.htm
we gots a jewish recipe for sweet crips here within 5 seconds. BAM. No need for the cheese board cop=out on the dessert.
You can keep your fried wonton and sugar dessert. It may not quite fit the brief. And if you think a cheese board is a cop out you may benefit from rethinking your life strategy.
you may benefit from rethinking your life BOGmarch.
Watch it, anonymous. No one wants a flame war. I don't, anyway. I'm simply not interested.
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